RICHMOND, Va. — Pete and Leila Gunning have adopted three children and fostered eight, with two currently in their care. Their efforts led them to found Patty's Hope, a nonprofit aimed at supporting and healing birth mothers.
November is National Adoption Month and every day of the month we will feature a child in Virginia's foster care system who is looking for a permanent, loving home.
As you consider the 5,000 children statewide who are looking for a permanent, loving home, look first to the Gunnings, who are making a difference with foster children and working with their birth mothers to break the cycle of trauma.
"We are not perfect. We didn't feel ultra-ready. We're not wealthy."
More than a decade ago Pete and Leila Gunning heard a calling. And so they answered.
"We prayed about it and proceeded with the foster care training," said Leila. "And we're like, okay, here we go."
"It's just a series of 'yeses,' and really working hard at not saying no and really figuring out, 'hey, should we say no, or how can we say yes?'" said Pete.
Upon returning to Central Virginia from Pete's native Australia 12 years ago, they considered how to build a family since conceiving a child would be difficult.
That's when they became acutely aware of the crisis in the Commonwealth- that is, the sheer number of children in foster care.
"At what point do you go, 'Okay, I'm going to sacrifice for another life. I'm going to get uncomfortable. For another life. I'm going to be part of a child not aging out of the system and having no one.' Leila asked. "Take a second and think about why you are where you are, and who your people were, and just imagine if you had no one."
That terrible prospect made their decision easy: since then, the Gunnings they have adopted three children, and fostered a total of eight, with two of them currently under their care.
"The word 'dad' takes on a slightly different meaning, because I've got all these kids that call me dad, and some of them are living in other people's houses, and so it's strange," Pete said.
But the Gunnings' journey has shed light on not just the plight of the children, but of the children's birth mothers as well, who would be a crucial part of foster care's stated goal of reunification.
"What's her story? How did she get here?" Leila asked. "And if the goal is for this child to go home, what is happening to help her heal, to help her change the trajectory and for the same thing not to happen again?"
The Gunnings searched but could find no advocacy group that focused on healing and strengthening birth mothers who - for whatever reason- have endured the trauma of losing a child to foster care.
"When you're sitting down and having coffee with one mom and really hearing her story, it can undo you for days," said Leila.
That led the Gunnings to found Patty's Hope, a non-profit that does not judge birth mothers but rather provides them an environment to start the long grueling process of becoming healthy enough to parent their child or children.
"These moms want to be moms. They want to be good moms. They don't want to repeat what happened to them," Leila said. "But the reality is, if there is not trauma healing, if there is not a healthy community around them, if there are not life skills in place, if there is not a safe place for them to live, it will be very, very, very difficult to be the mom they want to be."
As their work continues, the Gunnings are in the process of a kinship adoption of their two foster children who are related to one of their children.
At the same time, they are trying to renovate a property outside Richmond where their growing adoptive/foster family can thrive.
And where maybe, one day, birth mothers can find a safe space to heal, grow, and eventually re-connect with their children.
"We're going to try. We're going to be okay, to be uncomfortable, and we're going to sacrifice," Leila said. "And the reality is, it has required sacrifice, and it will require some type of sacrifice for you to go, 'I can do something. I can get alongside that family over there that is fostering.'"
If you would like to support Patty's Hope, click here.
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