RICHMOND, Va. (WTVR)–Well, the headline is a touch misleading. That’s the title of a Richmond Craigslist ad we found tonight, promoting the last loaf of Italian bread to be found in the city.
And they’re nice enough to sell it. Which is really kind because it apparently has “a pinch of unobtainium!” in it.
Before you continue reading, we want to emphasize we are not endorsing this ad, and we have called several stores around the city to make sure there is still bread.
And there is. Although the store manager at Martin’s in Carytown said they’ve been busy selling lots of bread and beer, he added there is plenty left. And more on the way.
Fellow Richmonders, the forecast for this Wednesday/Thursday has been finalized and it looks like PERILOUS BLIZZARD OF SNOWY DEATH is coming. As much as 6-8 inches of the treacherous white fluffy stuff could fall from the skies, which will literally shut the entire area down. Luckily, there is still time to prepare yourselves. Don’t even bother going to the grocery store – it’s already empty. However, I am here to help!
So for sale is one showroom-fresh loaf of Italian bread. I purchased it new at the Carytown Kroger on 2/10/14 after viciously fighting several people for it including an elderly nun and a child in a wheelchair. I then waited in line for what felt like several hours to pay for it, I had no food or water and a rapidly depleting iPhone battery. Then I had a nearly 5 minute walk back to the parking spot it had taken me an hour to find. In the cold. With a painful blister from my freshly polished snow boots. What a horrible experience.
Anyway this loaf is approximately 14″ x 6″ and is brand-new in unopened packaging. It is part of a very limited edition run from Kroger’s bakery that displays the unique code “sell by 2/14/14.” Other loaves of this exact type have been delicious in the past, although obviously I don’t know how this particular one tastes. But I can assure you that right now it has the best ingredient of all – a pinch of unobtainium!
$20 cash. Serious inquiries only. Pick up in front of my building or I can meet you somewhere close within reason for an extra $5. Buy what is probably the last loaf of bread available anywhere in the greater Richmond area and get through SNOWMAGEDDON with no problems! Otherwise, prepare to deal with the epic horrorshow of frozen waffles instead of toast for breakfast, and tortilla wraps for lunch instead of sandwiches. REALLY HOW WILL YOU SURVIVE WITHOUT THIS LOAF OF BREAD?!?!?! Think about it…
That shared, we do hope you have plenty of supplies for the storm tomorrow. And we’re talking all the electronics charged, supplies obtained, gasoline bought, shovels ready.